I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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