we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
