Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
