the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
