You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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