Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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