Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
