Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
