You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
