Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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