Will you blow on my dice?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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