I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
