I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize