That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
