Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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