i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
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