She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
