my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
What a dumb baby whore.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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