I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize