Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
