How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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