i barfeds in our rink
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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