tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
