You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
