you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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