When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
