She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
