you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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