why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
