Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
