Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
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It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
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Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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