if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
