I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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