Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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