no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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