I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
