Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
there's paper in my vomit.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
