i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Randomize
