Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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