I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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