I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
