he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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