Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
