it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
