Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize