My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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