so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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