i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
