I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
