You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
