i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
