So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
