my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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