im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
