morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
