I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
