awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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