I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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