Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
