Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
