...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
