Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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