I murdered the dance floor call the cops
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.