I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.