wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I cannot find my penis.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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