Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
