my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
