I'm going to jail i love you
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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