So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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