So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
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