So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
