I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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