Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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