She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
