You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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