It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
