Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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